


my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by axolotl_girl



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, High School, Ivy by Taylor Swift, lots of gay panic, some content to feed us while we wait for this hell week to end, yara supremacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotl_girl/pseuds/axolotl_girl
Summary: For Kieu My, everything had a rightful place and time. She’s always been very careful with everything she did, from her Instagram feed to her outfits. Every aspect of her life was planned out carefully so that she is always in control.Except for that night.
Relationships: Fatou Jallow/Kieu My Vu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 117





	my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Author's Note:**

> Kieu My POV!! A look into what’s going on in this useless bisexual’s mind as she ghosts Fatou.

MONTAG 8:22

“Aww look at Maike in this one!” Ismail said fondly. For the last half hour, they’ve been scrolling through an entire photo album of the turtle and showing Kieu My every single one.

Kieu My nodded and agreed but truthfully her mind was in a completely different place. Ever since her and Fatou kissed, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. For Kieu My, everything had a rightful place and time. She’s always been very careful with everything she did, from her Instagram feed to her outfits. Every aspect of her life was planned out carefully so that she is always in control.

Except for that night.

She had just gotten off the phone with her Mom. There was an emergency at the store and they needed to file a police report tomorrow. Nothing seemed to be going right in her life. All she wanted was to be able to enjoy this night with her friends and take her mind off of more stressful things.

Like her feelings for Fatou. (Which were starting to become more and more real with each passing second)

But then before she knew it, Fatou was standing so, so close to her. Kieu My couldn’t take it anymore. The stolen glances, the awkward small talk, the pretending like this didn’t mean everything to her when it did.

So for the first time in Kieu My’s life, she did something spontaneous. She kissed the girl she liked. She kissed her and it was perfect and Kieu My never wanted it to end. She even could’ve sworn that fireworks went off the exact moment their lips touched.

Now it’s Monday and even though Ismail has been showing her adorable turtle pictures all morning, she couldn’t take her mind off of Fatou. Her, Nora, Ava and Mailin were sitting at their usual spot on the stairs. Their friend group was so welcoming and understanding with each other. Kieu My longed for that kind of connection that she didn’t really have with Instas.

She knew that Fatou was staring at her. She could feel her eyes on her every time she turned away to talk to Ismail. Stubbornly, Kieu My used every ounce of self restraint she had to keep herself from looking back and risk making eye contact with her crush.

She still hasn’t responded to the adorable gif that Fatou sent her the morning after their first kiss. Kieu My was ready to brush it all under the rug and pretend like nothing happened so there was no chance of her getting hurt. But ever since Fatou acknowledged it, she’s had no where to run and no idea what to do next.

The truth is, Kieu My was used to kissing boys at parties with no strings attached. She’d never been in a relationship before, let alone one with a girl. But with Fatou, everything was different.

Fatou was patient kind, funny, and absolutely perfect in her mind. Kieu My on the other hand, was the complete opposite.

She was petrified of doing the wrong thing and ruining any chance of them being together. What if Fatou realizes that this isn’t what she wants? That Kieu My isn’t who she thought she was?

For the past couple days, Kieu My has been completely in over her head about what to do next. She planned out 103 different ways to approach Fatou. She mapped out her class schedule and compared it to Fatou’s to see when they would cross paths. She stood in front of the mirror and practiced ways to apologize for running off after their kiss without saying anything.

Yet somehow, nothing seemed like it would be enough. And now she’s stuck with this awful feeling in her stomach and not enough bravery to do something about it.

Kieu My sighed and wished that this whole situation wasn’t so fucking complicated.

MONTAG 14:03

After school, Kieu My had finally decided that she was going to talk to Fatou. Even if she was scared, the other girl at least deserved an explanation.

However, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Fatou across the yard. Yara was standing a bit too close too her, talking animatedly about something that was probably far more interesting than whatever Kieu My had to say.

Kieu My could feel her heart shatter when she watched how Fatou’s face lit up in response to Yara’s jokes. How happy and carefree she seemed. She had probably gotten tired of Kieu My’s bullshit and honestly, she couldn’t blame her.

Zoe came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder, breaking her out of her trance.

“Hey Q, ready to go?” She asked.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

DIENSTAG 12:03

In between classes, Kieu My was walking down the hall when she felt a hand grab her and tug her into the washroom.

“I- what is-“ Kieu My exclaimed before ultimately looking at who pulled her in and then going silent altogether.

_Oh._

“Hi.” Kieu My said. Her tone was cool and calm, though inside she was desperately trying to hide just how nervous Fatou made her feel.

“That’s all?”

Fatou looked defeated and Kieu My hated knowing that she was the reason for her favourite girl looking so sad.

“I’m sorry.”

This situation didn’t come up in any of the 103 fake scenarios she came up with. Kieu My had no solid plan but at least this was a start, right?

Fatou pressed her lips together in frustration. Kieu My couldn’t help her eyes as she followed the movement, wishing they were kissing right now instead of doing whatever this was.

“For what?” Fatou asked sadly. “For kissing me then running away? For ignoring me?”

Even now, Fatou didn’t raise her voice. She was asking out of genuine curiosity not malice or anger. It almost broke Kieu My to see how patient she was. A part of her wanted Fatou to yell at her, get angry and cuss her out. Kieu My deserved it. She’s been horrible to Fatou and Fatou has been nothing but good to her in return. This was almost a worse punishment.

Kieu My was speechless. She was never really the best with expressing how she felt, or using her words.

“Because I don’t know if you’ve ever been ghosted Kieu My, but it really sucks.” Fatou sighed.

All she could do was stare back at Fatou.

“Ever since we started talking, you’ve been sending me mixed signals.” Fatou took a slow breath and let her shoulders slump.

“And I used to think that you were different from the Instas but now I’m starting to wonder if you really are just like the rest of them.”

Kieu My winced ever so slightly. That last sentence hurt her a lot more than she would like to admit.

“I know I’ve been really shitty to you but I’ve been overwhelmed with...stuff.” Kieu My knew it wasn’t a good apology. She wished she had more time to plan out what she was going to say next.

“That’s not a excuse, Kieu My.” Fatou exclaimed, her arms dropping to her sides from their crossed position.

“I saw you hanging out with Zoe and Ismail multiple times on Instagram. All you needed to do was send me a single text. It could’ve been an emoji for all I care!”

Fatou seemed more hurt than upset. Kieu My wanted nothing more than to pull her into her arms and comfort her. To take back everything she did to hurt Fatou. But it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Fatou’s voice cracked and tears were beginning to well up in her eyes. “It’s not fair that you get to pick and choose when you like me and when you don’t based on how convenient it is for you at the moment.”

“Fatou...” Kieu My cooed softly, reaching her hand across the distance between them to take Fatou’s hand.

“Don’t touch me.”

Fatou pulled her hand back gently and wiped her tears away. She walked out of the bathroom without another word, leaving Kieu My all by herself.

MITTWOCH 13:13

“Let’s take a 5 minute water break. I want to see everybody giving their best performance when we’re back, okay?” Kieu My clapped her hands together, encouraging the girls in the dance class.

She picked up her phone from the bench and opened Instagram. Kieu took a swig of her water with my right hand while scrolling with her left, not taking her eyes off the screen.

”Hey, what’s up?” Yara walked over to Kieu My. She carried this light and airy energy with her wherever she went. No wonder Fatou likes her.

“Hey.” Kieu My replied. Her and Yara were actually pretty good friends. They talk frequently after dance practice and have even hung out outside of school a couple times to get bubble tea.

”Are you alright? You seem kind of off.” Yara asked.

“I’m fine.”

Kieu My felt bad for being so cold to her friend like this. Yara didn’t do anything wrong, Kieu My was just jealous. She figured she should at least _try_ to be nice.

“New Year’s at Zoe’s was fun, right?” Kieu My forced a smile. She was making a dry effort to seem engaged in the conversation.

“Oh, for sure. Some of us had a bit more fun than others though.” Yara grinned. She had a smug look on her face.

Kieu My raised an eyebrow in response, completely lost.

“So...you and Fatou, huh?” Yara asked, smiling.

Her eyes widened in fear. Were there already rumours being spread about them? She hated how quickly gossip spreads in this school. So many relationships have been ruined that way and she didn’t want to become apart of that trend. 

Yara seemed to have registered the alarmed look on Kieu My’s face because she reassured her. “Relax, there’s no rumours. You guys were kissing right out there in the open for like, a whole minute. You don’t think anyone saw?”

Kieu My’s cheeks flushed a deep red. She thought back to their kiss momentarily and it made her blush go even darker.

“What about-“

”No.” Yara cut her off, already knowing that she was going to ask about her friends. “Ismail and Constantin were too shit-faced to focus on anything for more than a second. And Finn was taking care of Zoe with her food poisoning. I was the only one who saw.”

She let out a sigh of relief that she didn’t know she was holding. Yara was a trustworthy person, Kieu My knew she wouldn’t go running her mouth.

“Yeah, well it’s over now.” Kieu My sighed sadly. She kept her gaze on the floor, kicking a piece of lint away from her..

“Besides,” She continued. Her jealously was starting to get the best of her. “Haven’t you and Fatou been like, really close lately or something? Shouldn’t you know this already?”

Kieu My was referring to the influx of Instagram stories they were in together on New Years and the scene she saw in the school yard yesterday.

Yara seemed puzzled.

“I guess? We’re friends? What do you mean close?” She asked.

Kieu My didn’t say anything. Instead, she gave her a knowing look. One that screamed, ‘ _Please don’t make me say it. My heart already hurts enough.’_

Instead, Yara punched her shoulder, nearly knocking her over.

“Are you insane?”

“Ow!”

“That girl is head over heels for you, what are you talking about?”

“Not anymore.” Kieu My muttered under her breath.

She plopped down on the bench dejectedly and Yara followed, sitting beside her. Kieu My told her everything that happened. From the running off, to the washroom talk, to the (now) embarrassing conclusion she jumped to when she saw Yara and Fatou talking.

When she finished, all Yara had to say was “Damn. You really messed up.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Well you need to go win her back.” Yara said plainly as if it was the most simple this in the world.

“What? She clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me. Did you not understand a word of what I just told you?”

Yara shook her head at Kieu My.

“All I got is that you’ve been terrible to her and you’re hurting her even more by not doing anything right now. You owe Fatou a proper apology, not some shifty excuse. Even if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings anymore, it’s the least you could do.”

Kieu My cringed at the last sentence, not even being able to fathom what rejection would feel like. Then again, that’s probably how Fatou felt when Kieu My ignored her for 4 days.

“Okay.” She said. “I’ll try.”

Yara grinned and reached over to ruffle Kieu My’s hair playfully.

“Go get your girl, idiot.”

MITTWOCH 21:02

The sun set in Berlin hours ago, and the cool winter air was starting to settle in for the night. Kieu My shivered and pulled the ends of her coat tighter to keep warm. She had no idea when Fatou got off of work so she’s been standing outside the pet store for nearly 3 hours now.

She briefly considered going inside and confessing her feelings right then and there. But she realized Fatou’s boss probably wouldn’t appreciate that very much. Besides, this was a conversation that needed to happen in private.

4 more minutes passed and Kieu My started to wonder if Fatou was even working today. 

Eventually, a familiar figure pushed the door open and exited the store. Fatou stopped in her tracks when she saw Kieu My standing there waiting for her.

”Hi.” Kieu My said softly. She was still testing the waters after Tuesday’s incident.

“Hi.” Fatou responded.

“Listen, I’m really sorry, okay? And I mean it, it’s not some bullshit I’m saying to win you back. I’m truly, genuinely sorry for how I treated you. The truth is, I’ve been crushing on you since we met but was always too scared to do something about it. But when we kissed, everything just became so real, so fast. There were so many things I’ve wanted to say to you this past week but didn’t because I was worried that it wouldn’t be funny enough, or clever enough, or sweet enough to follow up what was probably the most romantic moment in my entire life.”

Fatou’s cold facade was starting to break. Her lips turned up ever so slightly.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of a perfectionist.” Kieu My said, gesturing to the colour coordinated outfit she was currently wearing.

Fatou let out a short chuckle.

“I like knowing exactly how and when everything is going to happen. This was the first time I realized that I was falling for someone and that I wasn’t in complete control anymore. I’ve never made myself this vulnerable to anybody before and expected them not to hurt me. I’m still learning to let go and stop over analyzing everything. But I really want to try. And I want to start now.”

“Yeah?”

Fatou had a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Even in the gloomy Berlin evening, her eyes shined brighter than all the stars in the sky.

“Yeah.” Kieu My nodded.

A brief moment of silence washed over them. Kieu used this moment to summon all the courage she had in her body. She took a deep breath and looked Fatou right in the eyes.

“Relationships were never really my thing. I never wanted one. Not until I met you.” She said.

Fatou’s smile widened.

Kieu My took that as a good sign and continued. “I like you, a lot. And if you’ll still have me, I would love to give this thing between us a real try.”

“I like you too.”

Fatou smiled softly and stepped closer to Kieu My. “But how can I be sure that you won’t switch up and be cold to me again? I don’t know if I can handle another hell week.”

Kieu My took her hand just like she did on Tuesday in the washroom, but this time there’s no tears and no pulling back. 

This time, Kieu My takes her hand and places it over her heart gently. Fatou feels it, they both feel it. It’s racing.

“This is how I feel about you. Will you trust me now?”

Instead of responded, Fatou wraps her arms around Kieu My’s neck and pulls her into a kiss. Both girls are smiling against each other’s lips, drowning in this new newfound emotion.

Kieu My thinks that this is the start of something beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this fic, it’s my first time writing anything for the skam fandom so I hope it turned out well. Let’s hope we see some more Kieu My x Fatou fics in the near future. Please please please leave your thoughts or feedback in the comments I’d love to hear what you have to say :)


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